remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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