and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
