I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
