Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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