tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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