pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
