So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
