remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
