buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
