watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
