marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
