The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
