1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hippo gnu deer
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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