i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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