you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
