Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
