i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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