i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
