I'm going to jail i love you
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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