I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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