I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
