is your mom at the bar?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
