sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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