bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
