Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
