9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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