So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Did I show you my penis last night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
