I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
