did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
