My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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