; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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