Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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