why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
