Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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