I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
