Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
