coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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