yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
