Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
