I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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