Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I touched a dick in church today
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
