she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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