On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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