He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
