he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
