doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
