the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
