At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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