I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're like the curious george of whores
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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