At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
